Beliefs About Yourself: What Are You Carrying That Was Never Yours?

As we enter the colder months and winter, the holidays bring families and friends
together. This time of year, always makes me more mindful of the energy I bring into
certain spaces, especially when I'm surrounded by people I may not see regularly
throughout the year.

Sometimes, these gatherings are beautiful. Other times, they can be challenging.

Maybe a sibling brings up a sensitive subject you'd rather not discuss while you're trying
to relax and enjoy Thanksgiving dinner. Maybe a family member makes a comment that
leaves you feeling misunderstood, or an innocent conversation turns into something
uncomfortable.

These brief moments can feel invasive, especially when you're trying to protect your
peace and enjoy the present moment.

Of course, practice like meditation, prayer, or simply taking a few deep breaths can help
us navigate these situations. But sometimes, discomfort is inevitable. We can't always
control what others say or how they behave, and we can't always avoid the
conversations that challenge us.

What we can do is become more aware of what these interactions bring up within us.

The Beliefs We Carry

I have often thought about how the people around us shape many of our fundamental
beliefs about ourselves.

Our parents, family members, friends, and even the parents of our childhood friends can
influence how we see ourselves and the world. Their words, actions, and perceptions
can leave lasting impressions on us, sometimes in ways we don't fully recognize until
adulthood.

What's interesting is that we may continue navigating life according to these beliefs
without realizing where they came from.

We might believe we're not worthy of certain opportunities because someone made us
feel inadequate growing up. We might struggle to feel safe because our experiences
taught us to expect the unexpected. Or perhaps we've learned to question ourselves
because the surrounding people questioned us first.

These beliefs can become so familiar that we mistake them for the truth.

But what if some things we believe about ourselves aren't actually ours to carry?

A Personal Exercise in Self-Reflection

Recently, I took some time to explore my conscious and subconscious beliefs through a
simple writing exercise.

I wanted to understand which beliefs were helping me grow and which ones might limit
me. I also wanted to recognize where those beliefs originated.

I sat down with a piece of paper and began writing. I didn't overthink it or try to organize
my thoughts. I simply allowed the beliefs I held about myself to surface.

Some beliefs I identified were positive: being worthy, being protected, being educated,
and recognizing myself as a sentient being with the capacity to think, feel, and
experience life.

As I reflected on these beliefs, I began recognizing the influence of my parents and
other people who were part of my life growing up.

But I also uncovered beliefs that weren't so helpful. Beliefs that made me question my
worth. Beliefs that challenged my ability to feel protected or secure.

It was an interesting experience because I could see how these beliefs, both helpful and
harmful, may still influence how I show up in the world today.

How I enter a room. How I respond to someone's words. How I interpret another
person's behavior is ... How I perceive myself when I'm around people who have known
me for years.

Even as adults, we can find ourselves responding to people in the present through the
lens of experiences from our past.

Recognizing this doesn't mean blaming the people who influenced us. It means giving
ourselves the opportunity to understand our experiences and decide what we want to
carry forward.

You have permission to make another choice.

So as you move through the holidays and encounter those awkward conversations or
moments that trigger something within you, I encourage you to pause.

Ask yourself: Is this feeling rooted in what is happening right now, or is it connected to
something I've believed about myself for a long time?

Sometimes, the discomfort we experience isn't just about what someone said. The
meaning we've come to associate with those words may also cause the discomfort.
And here's something worth remembering: what someone believes about you does
not automatically make it true.

You are allowed to question the beliefs you've carried. You're allowed to examine where
they came from. And you're allowed to release the ones that no longer serve you.

This isn't necessarily a comfortable exercise. Looking inward can bring up feelings and
experiences we'd rather not revisit. But it can also create space for a deeper
understanding of ourselves.

You don't have to accept every belief you've inherited, and you don't have to continue
seeing yourself through someone else's eyes.

As adults, we have the opportunity to build new beliefs rooted in self-awareness,
compassion, and the person we are becoming.

The people from our past may still be part of our present, but they don't have to
determine how we see ourselves today.

This holiday season, I encourage you to explore the beliefs you hold about yourself. Write them down without judgment. Notice which ones empower you and which ones leave you feeling small. Consider where they came from and whether they still reflect the person you are today.

Above all, give yourself permission to distinguish between what you believe and what
is true.

You are allowed to grow beyond the stories you've been told about yourself.

And sometimes, protecting your peace begins with changing the way you see you.

With Gratitude,
Mary Love